Unacceptable

It's easy for one to promise the sky, the sun, the moon and all it's cosmic glories.
Cos we all know talk is cheap.
So bloody dirt cheap, it's not worth a dime nor warrant a second glance.
It's just talk... after all talk, once said, is forgotten the next second.
This is what we call 'empty promises'.

It's even easier for one to shrink responsibility for one's behaviour...
They'll go, "Oh you know... because of this... or that... and that.. and...".
Seriously whatever, I don't want to know and I don't really care.
This is what we call 'making excuses'.

I do not want them in my life.
That I am very clear of.
Do you? Do you have any idea what you want in your life?

Let the madness begin

It's Monday and I find myself in the office, looking at spreadsheets after spreadsheets of sales figures, budget tracking, reports, etc... till past midnight...

Somehow, instead of lamenting what a bitch work is...
I actually find myself liking it more and more

I'm a bit mad, but then again, that's a fact I've always known
Plus I've a tab... just that ever so teeny weeny tiny little tab of a sadistic soul (I lied... make it a bucketful of that)

The more chaotic the situation gets, the more I thrive on the high of plunging into the depth of the big, big mess...

Ah... chaos and madness, my good friends
how I missed you...
welcome back~~

November 2008 ~ Truth amidst lies

It's amazing how one can live one's life surrounding oneself with lies and more lies; like building a brick wall, layers upon layers till one is totally engulfed, that it blocks out the light of truth, that one starts believing in the lies one built as the ultimate truth.

But people around them will not be fooled.
There will be a time when the truth breaks through, shining its light through the cracks in the wall of lies.
Truth will not be lost to superficial lies... give it time, it will shine like it's always meant to be.

I'll never forgive - the lies to me, to people i cared about and to others like me.
Go on, live life in lies for that's all people as such are only worthy of.
How sad, how pathetic, how hollow... oh, how it disgusts me...

2 September 2008 ~ The night my heart bled

Didn’t think I’ll get this wretched feeling again.
Didn’t realise the depth and intensity of my feelings nor his for me.
Didn’t want to admit that he really did mean so much to me.
Didn’t recognise the bleeding heart that was mine.
Didn’t get to wipe his tears from his face when I dealt the deathblow to his fragile soul.
Didn’t want to admit that I did love him after all, if only for such a short, short time.

Monster

Yesterday, I met my monster.

I never thought I have one.
Never thought I needed one.
Never thought there is always one lurking within me... waiting, just waiting for the right time to get unleashed.

Now I finally understood why T6 behaved the way he did.
He had a monster too.
But I couldn't see it.. I didn't understand it then...
My nonchalent ways and detatched emotions frayed his edges.
From a strong, confident man who was handling millions in his business dealings with ease, he was at a total loss with me.
His monster took over, battling for a lost cause that I should, as the person closest to his heart, lend a hand to help in but didn't.

And even Jade. She had a monster too.
When I knew her, she was a smart, confident and sociable career woman with her own mind about things.
Things started to go downhill when he stepped into her life.
They were to get married but her monster reared its ugly head.
Oh how we rolled our eyes at her antics and we thought it was laughable.. silly even...
But now I understand.
Now I can feel her pain.

For the past month, I kept seeing it lurking at the corner.
Sometimes sliding up next to me when it thought i was not noticing.
Messing up with my thinking... screwing around with my mind.

Yesterday night, it came to me, face-to-face.
"Get away from me, you ugly thing," I said.
"I can't... for I am you," it hissed.
"LIES LIES LIES!!!!!!!!!" I screamed and tried to turn away from it's awful sight.
It held on to me and forced a mirror to my face, "Look. Tell me what you see."

I couldn't recognise the image looking back at me.
It's a splitting image of the monster standing in front of me.
It is me.
I am the Monster.

What are you in your previous life?

Stone shared an interesting website with me and PXP today.
The website can calculate what you are in your previous, present and next life.
Check it out :
http://www.y28predictions.com/program/template/fortune/past.php?lang

Had a really good laugh at Stone's & PXP's readings.
They appearently were "Shit clearer" in their past life.
Muahahahahaha!
Dao ye xiang de! Eeks!

Luckily mine was not so, ahem, 'smelly'. Kekekeke
And here are my readings.

Previous life:
鋤強扶弱大俠士
(A hero who helps the weak. wahhh...)

Present life:
今生性格似野狼
(My character in my current life is like a wolf.)

你的性格有如一隻野狼，創作天份高，熱愛追求自己的理想，不易受到外在環境因素所局限，做事頗有條理，組織能力很強，屬於思想敏捷多變的一種人。而你亦是個非常有主見的人，當別人依賴你的時候，你都能把他們照顧得妥妥當當，這些都是你性格上的優點，戀愛方面，性格隨和，處事被動的人與你最合襯。
(hmm.... very lengthy to translate leh...)

Next life :
穿梭機機師
(Space shuttle pilot - Now that explains why I'm so hooked on Sci Fi since young.)

Words of advice :
「三月生人遇貴人，為人慈善更聰明，逢豬遇鼠成家業，衣祿安然到老年。」生於亥時末，有事作風流，生來自有成，心好行平等，衣祿必無虧。
(erm... frankly, I dun freaking understand this. Seems to sound good, I hope.)

Has, had, is and was

I have the most atrocious grammar.
I cringe whenever I come across grammatical errors while reading my past posts.

The only consolation is that mine is not the worst I've come across.
Being in marketing means I have the chance to proof-read and comment on a lot of badly written copy on a daily basis.

You'll be surprise to know that professional copywriters are often the ones who commit the most grammatical & sentence structure errors.
It's really perplexing.. I mean those guys write for a living you know...

Ok, I'm dissing others so I don't look so bad.
Must not do that to avoid accumulating bad karma points.
Me bad, baaaaaddddddd QiQi.
What goes around comes around.

To the copywriters out there, I take it all back.
Not.

Charge by the hour

I should seriously start thinking of setting up a counselling booth next to my desk at my workplace.
I've been getting people talking to me about their problems in the workplace.
Most of the time I was told that they felt very comfortable talking to me.

Hmm...
It could be the start of a lucrative business.
Imagine if I charge by the hour, like a psychiatrist......
Email and phone counselling package also available.

Introducing Mighty Mousey!

Here's my PT (personal trainer), aka Mighty Mousey, sometimes known as Samster and most recently trying to be a Wannabe Beng.


He got a really interesting haircut and was proudly showing it off at the gym recently.
'Fierce' sianh.... kekeke
Unfortunately I turned up at the gym without my contacts and I was totally blind like a bat so can't see much of it.
Hehehehe.

Musing - Of fairness and contentment

In life you win some, you lose some.
Life's fair like that.
That's why I'm a fairly contented person.

I believe everyone get their fair share of ups and downs.
Many people who gripe about not having enough good things happening in their life are, in my opinion, being too myopic.
They do not recognise the good things around them and thus is unable to treasure what they really have; the good are often taken for granted whilst the bad are amplified.

Some may ask, if I am truely contented, why do I still hanker for more (better career, more money, etc)?
Well, my ideal of contentment is a bit different from what most people is familiar to.
To me, contentment is about being happy with what I have and being thankful that I have them.