Funny Columns and Naked Butt
I’m a faithful follower of humour columns and one of my favourite is Neil Humphreys‘ weekly column in Today. His accounts of madcap characters running around Toa Payoh always crack me up. I mean, do people like that really exist in Singapore? According to Neil, apparently so.
At one point, I was seriously entertaining the thought of moving to the colourful little town of Toa Payoh where the fun & madness never stop. It helps that my other favourite humour column writer, Jason Hahn, lives there too (I have a highly reliable source on this. He told me himself in his book ‘Asking for Trouble - Tales of Saffy & Amanda)!
Then again, if I do move there, you’ll probably find me sitting in the Toa Payoh Police Centre being interrogated for stalking a newspaper and/or magazine columnist and their housemates.
To my delight, I’ve recently discovered a new species of Homo Sepian in Jurong and I’m quite sure he falls in the mad category. Better yet, he’s actually staying in my block! A real life mad specimen here in Jurong! Isn’t that so neat? For simplicity sake, let us call this creature The Butt-man.
Initially I just thought The Butt-man has weird fashion sense. Eventually after 2 short and unforgettable encounters, I concluded he’s just plain mad.
The first time I saw him was about a month ago on my way home at night. As I was reaching the lift lobby, I saw The Butt-man bending down to open his letterbox. And out sprung Mr Happy Bright Green Thongs as The Butt-man’s jeans slipped to the middle of his happy shiny butt.
For a moment I thought I went blind.
The lift door opened and I quickly shuffled in without waiting for him. Ya, I know. That’s so un- neighbourly. But hey, I didn’t know he was a precious new species at that time. I really thought he was just a gay ‘sister’ with a hopeless fashion fau paux.
The next time I saw The Butt-man, he actually went commando! No Mr Happy Bright Green Thongs there, no sir.
We were in the same lift, he turned his back towards me and *GASP!*, there were Mr Springy Butt Cheek & his twin brother popping out at me. Have you seen Kung Fu Hustle? Remember the guy who always get knocked in the head with a slippers by the landlady? I think they might be long lost brothers.
I didn’t know how to respond. Should I laugh? Should I politely inform The Butt-man ‘Ahem, your buddies are getting cold’? Should I knock him in the head with my slippers; he's obviously begging for it? I couldn’t decide!
Then the lift door opened and he walked out. Dammit!
I’m determined to take a photo of The Butt-man and his cheeky friends if I ever do bump into him next time. I may even ask for his autograph. That'll be so swell!
At one point, I was seriously entertaining the thought of moving to the colourful little town of Toa Payoh where the fun & madness never stop. It helps that my other favourite humour column writer, Jason Hahn, lives there too (I have a highly reliable source on this. He told me himself in his book ‘Asking for Trouble - Tales of Saffy & Amanda)!
Then again, if I do move there, you’ll probably find me sitting in the Toa Payoh Police Centre being interrogated for stalking a newspaper and/or magazine columnist and their housemates.
To my delight, I’ve recently discovered a new species of Homo Sepian in Jurong and I’m quite sure he falls in the mad category. Better yet, he’s actually staying in my block! A real life mad specimen here in Jurong! Isn’t that so neat? For simplicity sake, let us call this creature The Butt-man.
Initially I just thought The Butt-man has weird fashion sense. Eventually after 2 short and unforgettable encounters, I concluded he’s just plain mad.
The first time I saw him was about a month ago on my way home at night. As I was reaching the lift lobby, I saw The Butt-man bending down to open his letterbox. And out sprung Mr Happy Bright Green Thongs as The Butt-man’s jeans slipped to the middle of his happy shiny butt.
For a moment I thought I went blind.
The lift door opened and I quickly shuffled in without waiting for him. Ya, I know. That’s so un- neighbourly. But hey, I didn’t know he was a precious new species at that time. I really thought he was just a gay ‘sister’ with a hopeless fashion fau paux.
The next time I saw The Butt-man, he actually went commando! No Mr Happy Bright Green Thongs there, no sir.
We were in the same lift, he turned his back towards me and *GASP!*, there were Mr Springy Butt Cheek & his twin brother popping out at me. Have you seen Kung Fu Hustle? Remember the guy who always get knocked in the head with a slippers by the landlady? I think they might be long lost brothers.
I didn’t know how to respond. Should I laugh? Should I politely inform The Butt-man ‘Ahem, your buddies are getting cold’? Should I knock him in the head with my slippers; he's obviously begging for it? I couldn’t decide!
Then the lift door opened and he walked out. Dammit!
I’m determined to take a photo of The Butt-man and his cheeky friends if I ever do bump into him next time. I may even ask for his autograph. That'll be so swell!
posted by QiQi at 7:18 PM
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