15 August 2007, midday – Of rejection and realisation (part 2)

I was really upset.
Not that I was rejected but I realised something I had stubbornly refused to acknowledge.
I was not as strong as I though I am.
My emotions were and still are fraying and unraveling at an alarming speed.
Woody’s arrival was the catalyst that sped up the process of my self destruction.
I was drinking more than ever and partying harder than ever.

What I asked of Woody was a superficial attempt to seek temporary comfort and to fill my emotional wound.
It would not have lessen the pain, not for long anyway.
No doubt I was fond of him but my request was not fair on him, it was just plain selfishness on my end.

With realisation came disappointment, not at others but at myself.
The strength I built over the years, the walls, the defences… I could not afford to let them fall.
But the truth was, everything was crumbling around me.