Lost in Wonderland

Unacceptable

2009-03-11T00:07:00.006+08:00

It's easy for one to promise the sky, the sun, the moon and all it's cosmic glories.
Cos we all know talk is cheap.
So bloody dirt cheap, it's not worth a dime nor warrant a second glance.
It's just talk... after all talk, once said, is forgotten the next second.
This is what we call 'empty promises'.

It's even easier for one to shrink responsibility for one's behaviour...
They'll go, "Oh you know... because of this... or that... and that.. and...".
Seriously whatever, I don't want to know and I don't really care.
This is what we call 'making excuses'.

I do not want them in my life.
That I am very clear of.
Do you? Do you have any idea what you want in your life?

Let the madness begin

2009-02-10T01:42:00.004+08:00

It's Monday and I find myself in the office, looking at spreadsheets after spreadsheets of sales figures, budget tracking, reports, etc... till past midnight...

Somehow, instead of lamenting what a bitch work is...
I actually find myself liking it more and more

I'm a bit mad, but then again, that's a fact I've always known
Plus I've a tab... just that ever so teeny weeny tiny little tab of a sadistic soul (I lied... make it a bucketful of that)

The more chaotic the situation gets, the more I thrive on the high of plunging into the depth of the big, big mess...

Ah... chaos and madness, my good friends
how I missed you...
welcome back~~

November 2008 ~ Truth amidst lies

2008-12-26T15:16:00.005+08:00

It's amazing how one can live one's life surrounding oneself with lies and more lies; like building a brick wall, layers upon layers till one is totally engulfed, that it blocks out the light of truth, that one starts believing in the lies one built as the ultimate truth.

But people around them will not be fooled.
There will be a time when the truth breaks through, shining its light through the cracks in the wall of lies.
Truth will not be lost to superficial lies... give it time, it will shine like it's always meant to be.

I'll never forgive - the lies to me, to people i cared about and to others like me.
Go on, live life in lies for that's all people as such are only worthy of.
How sad, how pathetic, how hollow... oh, how it disgusts me...

2 September 2008 ~ The night my heart bled

2008-09-21T15:52:00.003+08:00

Didn’t think I’ll get this wretched feeling again.
Didn’t realise the depth and intensity of my feelings nor his for me.
Didn’t want to admit that he really did mean so much to me.
Didn’t recognise the bleeding heart that was mine.
Didn’t get to wipe his tears from his face when I dealt the deathblow to his fragile soul.
Didn’t want to admit that I did love him after all, if only for such a short, short time.

Monster

2008-07-30T08:53:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, I met my monster.

I never thought I have one.
Never thought I needed one.
Never thought there is always one lurking within me... waiting, just waiting for the right time to get unleashed.

Now I finally understood why T6 behaved the way he did.
He had a monster too.
But I couldn't see it.. I didn't understand it then...
My nonchalent ways and detatched emotions frayed his edges.
From a strong, confident man who was handling millions in his business dealings with ease, he was at a total loss with me.
His monster took over, battling for a lost cause that I should, as the person closest to his heart, lend a hand to help in but didn't.

And even Jade. She had a monster too.
When I knew her, she was a smart, confident and sociable career woman with her own mind about things.
Things started to go downhill when he stepped into her life.
They were to get married but her monster reared its ugly head.
Oh how we rolled our eyes at her antics and we thought it was laughable.. silly even...
But now I understand.
Now I can feel her pain.

For the past month, I kept seeing it lurking at the corner.
Sometimes sliding up next to me when it thought i was not noticing.
Messing up with my thinking... screwing around with my mind.

Yesterday night, it came to me, face-to-face.
"Get away from me, you ugly thing," I said.
"I can't... for I am you," it hissed.
"LIES LIES LIES!!!!!!!!!" I screamed and tried to turn away from it's awful sight.
It held on to me and forced a mirror to my face, "Look. Tell me what you see."

I couldn't recognise the image looking back at me.
It's a splitting image of the monster standing in front of me.
It is me.
I am the Monster.

What are you in your previous life?

2007-10-02T00:57:00.000+08:00

Stone shared an interesting website with me and PXP today.
The website can calculate what you are in your previous, present and next life.
Check it out :
http://www.y28predictions.com/program/template/fortune/past.php?lang

Had a really good laugh at Stone's & PXP's readings.
They appearently were "Shit clearer" in their past life.
Muahahahahaha!
Dao ye xiang de! Eeks!

Luckily mine was not so, ahem, 'smelly'. Kekekeke
And here are my readings.

Previous life:
鋤強扶弱大俠士
(A hero who helps the weak. wahhh...)

Present life:
今生性格似野狼
(My character in my current life is like a wolf.)

你的性格有如一隻野狼，創作天份高，熱愛追求自己的理想，不易受到外在環境因素所局限，做事頗有條理，組織能力很強，屬於思想敏捷多變的一種人。而你亦是個非常有主見的人，當別人依賴你的時候，你都能把他們照顧得妥妥當當，這些都是你性格上的優點，戀愛方面，性格隨和，處事被動的人與你最合襯。
(hmm.... very lengthy to translate leh...)

Next life :
穿梭機機師
(Space shuttle pilot - Now that explains why I'm so hooked on Sci Fi since young.)

Words of advice :
「三月生人遇貴人，為人慈善更聰明，逢豬遇鼠成家業，衣祿安然到老年。」生於亥時末，有事作風流，生來自有成，心好行平等，衣祿必無虧。
(erm... frankly, I dun freaking understand this. Seems to sound good, I hope.)

Has, had, is and was

2007-09-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

I have the most atrocious grammar.
I cringe whenever I come across grammatical errors while reading my past posts.

The only consolation is that mine is not the worst I've come across.
Being in marketing means I have the chance to proof-read and comment on a lot of badly written copy on a daily basis.

You'll be surprise to know that professional copywriters are often the ones who commit the most grammatical & sentence structure errors.
It's really perplexing.. I mean those guys write for a living you know...

Ok, I'm dissing others so I don't look so bad.
Must not do that to avoid accumulating bad karma points.
Me bad, baaaaaddddddd QiQi.
What goes around comes around.

To the copywriters out there, I take it all back.
Not.

Charge by the hour

2007-09-17T03:16:00.002+08:00

I should seriously start thinking of setting up a counselling booth next to my desk at my workplace.
I've been getting people talking to me about their problems in the workplace.
Most of the time I was told that they felt very comfortable talking to me.

Hmm...
It could be the start of a lucrative business.
Imagine if I charge by the hour, like a psychiatrist......
Email and phone counselling package also available.

Introducing Mighty Mousey!

2007-09-17T02:56:00.000+08:00

Here's my PT (personal trainer), aka Mighty Mousey, sometimes known as Samster and most recently trying to be a Wannabe Beng.

He got a really interesting haircut and was proudly showing it off at the gym recently.
'Fierce' sianh.... kekeke
Unfortunately I turned up at the gym without my contacts and I was totally blind like a bat so can't see much of it.
Hehehehe.

Musing - Of fairness and contentment

2007-09-17T02:04:00.000+08:00

In life you win some, you lose some.
Life's fair like that.
That's why I'm a fairly contented person.

I believe everyone get their fair share of ups and downs.
Many people who gripe about not having enough good things happening in their life are, in my opinion, being too myopic.
They do not recognise the good things around them and thus is unable to treasure what they really have; the good are often taken for granted whilst the bad are amplified.

Some may ask, if I am truely contented, why do I still hanker for more (better career, more money, etc)?
Well, my ideal of contentment is a bit different from what most people is familiar to.
To me, contentment is about being happy with what I have and being thankful that I have them.

Mini United Nations

2007-09-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

Lemme see...
- Indian
- Malay
- Jamacian
- French
- Vietnamese
- Taiwanese

My international collection of guys who tried to pick me up keeps growing...
Guess I appeal more to international market than the domestic market.
Hmm... that's food for thought.

Saturday Night Fever

2007-09-09T23:09:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling sick again.
My nose's been running since last night, making me feel real feverish and weak.
I practically slept the entire day today.
At least I got my much needed rest though I felt groggy the entire day.

I really need my new nose real soon.
Can't live with getting sick every other week for the rest of my life.
Tomorrow I'll talk to A&A about scheduling the medical leave for my operation.
I'm tentatively looking at October, that is if the campaign launch is confirmed to be delayed.
Shit, I hate to have all these iffy elements screwing up my schedules.

Time for a little teasing

2007-09-08T02:24:00.000+08:00

One, two, three, four, five.
Kiss the boys and make them cry.

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Go to the next and do it again!

Karsakoff’s Syndrome

2007-09-02T13:55:00.000+08:00

I must be getting a serious case of amnesia.
I can’t seem to remember my dates lately and I ended up double, triple & now it’s really the ultimate, I made 4 dates on the same night!
Oh gosh, what was I thinking of, or rather, not thinking of?
I mean, I have wanted to get a life after T6 but this is really a bit over the top.

Ego boosting no doubt that everyone wants a piece of me - I do strive on attention and affection from people around me and I like to think that everyone love me to bits.
Well, narcissism is my middle name.

Well I digress.
So back to my multiple dates night on Wedesday.
1. PT session at the gym
- Samster shuffled up his schedules for me cos I told him I was now having my salsa classes on Thursday nights. Wednesday night was the 1st session from my new schedule… oh dear.

2. Dinner with the Viets
- QiQi bad… QiQi forgot alI about date number. 3 & 4 and so QiQi said yes when the Viets repeated asked QiQI out for dinner on Wednesday. I already refused on Tuesday so when they invited me for dinner again, it was not very good manners for me to refuse as they were the guests after all.

3. Katherine’s door bitch round table
- The door bitches are supposed to have a get together for a ‘serious’ discussion on warfare strategy for THE BIG DAY. I though I got out of this as I have to pull out from door bitch duties due to wok commitment but somehow that didn’t seem to be the case.

4. Media smooching karaoke session
- Bebe called me up to remind me that I promised to go for the karaoke session during the Lush party at Muse. Hmm… I did? I thought it was supposed to be on another night…

No prize for guessing who won a night with QiQi.
There were actually 2 winners that night.

I couldn’t possibly miss out on any opportunities to tekan people on their Big Day so it’s the door bitch round table for me. I consider myself quite a strategist on the art of tekaning. Of course, the fact that I hate to disappoint my long time friend added much weight to the decision.

I see Samster every week, 2 times a week in fact, so he can take a rain cheque.
As for Bebe, there are media functions every other week, so she can take a rain cheque too.

And the 2nd winner goes to the extremely persistent Viets.
Not that I didn’t try, I actually called Ngoc (one of the Viets) up and gave him a bullshit story that I was stuck at work so I couldn’t dine with them.
He didn’t give up and suggested after dinner drinks.
Well… refusing a 3rd time would really make me a very terrible host.
Dammit, I had to oblige.

I have to stop doing this multiple overlapping dates thing, it’s terrible.
QiQi, get a grip on your memory!
Don’t let it slip!

It's raining Viets

2007-08-28T01:08:00.000+08:00

Just got an email today... erm, actually yesterday considering that it's now after midnight.
There are 3 Vietnamese guests from a Viet bank coming for a visit tomorrow… erm, later part of today.

I‘ve been tasked to show them around our branches.
Oh dear, I hope I don’t make a boo boo whilst I entertain them.
Best part, I’m on my own for this.

I better go do my homework before they come down.
Shit, it’s soooo… last minute.
Boo hoo….

Zen-ed and lovin’ it!

2007-08-27T23:25:00.000+08:00

I love my Zen!
Was watching CSI: Las Vegas Season 6 on my trusty Zen on my way home from work and I managed to finish an entire episode during the 45min bus ride.
For a TV junkie like me, this is like the ultimate fix – TV-on-the-go, yippee!

Here’s an interesting quote from Katherine when she found out that Warrick got married on the sly.
“You know the thing that makes a fantasy great is the possibility that it might come true. And when you lose that possibility, it just kinda sucks.”

Love the scripting, that’s why I’m so hooked on CSI: Las Vegas.
Am growing pretty fond of CSI: New York too, it’s way better than Miami.

Since I’m on the topic of TV dramas, let’s not forget about the leading men.
And my all-time favourite leading men are…..

1) Alan Shore (James Todd Spader)
Brainy lawyer with a wickedly sarcastic wit and a to-hell-with-the-rules attitude towards life and work.
Underneath that reckless and ethically challenged demeanor hides a tortured soul on the edge of self-destruction.
Totally fell in love with him when he appeared in The Practice.
Unfortunately, the character’s spin-off on Boston Legal sorta lost the edginess which made him so appealing to me in the first place, making his character rather 1 dimensional.
I admit to it, I like a bad boy anytime.

2) Spike (James Marsters)
Oh yah, another James, albeit an extremely cuter version.
Brooding, lovelorn vampire with an enduring Brit accent who wanted nothing more than a bit of loving from his favourite slayer.
Tragic isn’t it, this un-relinquished love.

3) Gil Grissom (William Petersen)
What can I say?
He’s part of the reason I’m so hooked on CSI.
And yes, I vote for the beard but it’s minus points on the Sara romance.
It’s just so salah.
I’d pick Lady Heather anytime.

4) Hiro Nakamura (Masi Oka)
Three words - Oh. So. Adorable.
He scores high on the saccharine sweet kawaii factor.

Plus in real life, he's a genius with an IQ of 180!

I always have a soft spot for brainy men...

Sleepless in Singapore

2007-08-27T22:07:00.000+08:00

August seemed to be the month for entertaining guests.
Another 2 guests just moved in with us and they were keeping me up all night!
It was a good thing I managed to get a lot of sleep yesterday during the day, if not, I’d be cranky as hell today.

Apparently our new houseguests moved in on Saturday night and I actually didn’t see them.
Ok! Blame it on the white wine and Erdinger I had at Wala.
Wine plus beer - always a potent mix.

Got a shock of my life when I saw them on Sunday when I woke up.
To be frank, they were kinda cute but soooo…. not my type.
I found out that it was Yaya who took them in and they would be staying over for a month.
Yaya was practically fawning over them and Miki, for once, didn’t bark at the strangers in the house.
She was over herself with excitement, wagging her tail furiously and taking shy sniffs at our houseguests.

Miki’s quite territorial; she basically drove Woody mad during the 2 weeks he was staying over.
What can I say? The little darling’s a woman’s best friend.
She made it very clear that I was hers so any competition for affection was clearly unwelcome.
So it was really a nice surprise that she was so well behaved.

But by nightfall, I wasn’t so sure I find them as cute anymore.
They basically drove me up the wall!
Arughhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
The racket they made THE ENTIRE NIGHT, it was enough to raise the dead!

And here are our cutesy houseguests.

So cute right?
But so extremely irritating when they kept running on their wheel, the whole damn night, making a hell lot of noise!

I swear I'll be needing ear plugs tonight.
*roll eyes*

Slow Subtle Sunday

2007-08-26T23:06:00.002+08:00

I decided not to do anything today.
No appointments, no work, no chores; it'll be an absolutely chor-bo day today.
Time passed really slowly... and I spent half the day asleep.
My body needed the rest from all the late nights I'd been keeping.

Mum was nagging about my late nights too.
Don't like to make her worry about me but cutting back on my activities is not really an option, at least for now.
Keeping my days busy helped to prevent my mind from wondering about and kept my sanity in check.

T6 sms-ed me again today.
He was…. ‘concerned’… when I didn’t reply.
Seriously there was nothing to reply about, and I am sick and tired of his insinuation that when I did not bother to respond, I was trying to subtly send him some messages.
What the fuck was there to respond about?
What subtle message?

We are no longer together so just fucking drop it, will ya?
Get on with life!
Here I am trying my best to but he just doesn’t care, does he?
It was and still is always about him, him, him!
I have had enough of this crap already!

So I told him to shove it.
Get outta my face.
Get outta my life.
Well, that wasn’t that subtle, was it?
In any case, I was never well known for my subtlety.

Corny Encounter

2007-08-25T00:36:00.000+08:00

All men out there, heed my advice.
Do not EVER use lame excuses to pick up a girl.
Be direct if you have something to say.
The girl will appreciate you for not wasting her time trying to feign being lost and asking for direction, and whatever-the-fuck.
It's extremely corny and irritating.
Bloody waste time *roll eyes*.

Back-to-Back

2007-08-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

Yipee, I got a free tix to Womad 2007 this Sat!
Such are the perks of being in marketing; I always get free tix to some of the coolest events & happenings in town.

But there's a glitch though.
My schedule is so tightly packed this Sat, I hardly have any breathing space!
- 11am : Training session with PT
- 1pm : Juan's boy's 1-year birthday bash
- 3pm : Catching up with the marcom alumni gals
- 6pm : Womad @ Fort Canning Hill

I gotta make sure I keep tightly to the schedule, cannot be late for anything, else the rest of the day's schedule will be totally screwed.
What can I say?
Everyone wants a piece of me!

Feel like those 7th month getai singers, die die must be on time!
That reminds me, 881 is a great show! Love the glitziness, the songs and dance, and the quirky as hell storyline.

Kerb-ed & Lush-ed

2007-08-23T00:35:00.001+08:00

I FAILED MY DRIVING TEST!
Seriously, the omens were all there since I woke up.

Omen 1:
The sky was gloomy and rain seems to threatened.
Rainy day = slow, heavy traffic = bad news for those taking driving tests

Omen 2:
I turned up late for my warm-up lesson.
Hmm... instructor seemed kinda pissed off... oops....
Got scolded quite a fair bit, instructor was ranting on and on about how atrocious my understanding of the highway code was.
Oh well...

Omen 3:
My shoe strap broke whilst I was seated down.
How could that ever happen??
It was a sign.....

I thought I drove pretty well but I kerb-ed!
That alone costed me 16 points!
If not for that, I would've passed already.
So careless of me.

Anyway, no point gripping about it.
It was all water under the bridge now.
The next test will be in Nov so QiQi has to JIA YOU JIA YOU!!

Today, everybody seemed to want a piece of me.
I was suppose to be on a day's leave but had to rush back to the office to attend a meeting after my test.
Ok my fault here, I could've not attend it but don't forget, QiQi is a workaholic.... so enough said.

My evening/night plans were all going haywire!
I had 3 things happening concurrent.
1) I promised Vcenza that I'll watch Ratatouille with her and I forgot
2) I scheduled a gym session with my PT
3) There was a media function at Muse organised by Lush
Cartoon rat versus cute, hunky PT versus free flow of Chivas ... tough choice man.

In the end, I made a very practical decision.
Cute man and free drinks never hurt and usually where there were free drinks, you would get more cute men too.
It was definitely a winner-takes-all situation which unfortunately turned out to be quite on the contrary.

I was so freaking tired out from the gym session and when I got to the party, it was really boring.
A lot of babes there but absolutely no eye candy for the babes to ogle at.
Plus the MediaCorp people were determined to get us all totally wasted.
It was a real big relief when I managed to sneak off without having to subject my liver to extreme stress from the shots of Chivas & Vodka neat.
Scary......

And here are some of the pictures we took at the party.

20 August 2007, 7pm – Like this feeling

2007-08-22T00:41:00.002+08:00

What a difference a day make.
QiQi is back… at least partially.
I’m feeling definitely more cheered up than in the morning.
Had a good meeting with my HOD which just ended.
QiQi’s like a kid; QiQi just like to be petted and complimented and QiQi will be happy.
QiQI is easily satisfied.

20 August 2007, 7am – Don’t like it

2007-08-22T00:41:00.001+08:00

Can’t concentrate on work today.
Don’t like this feeling of overwhelming gloominess in the air.
Don’t like it that I feel so bloated with unshed tears that I’m ready to burst out crying with the slightly hint of tenderness from anyone.
Don’t like it that I’m being so very, very vulnerable now.

And to add fuel to the fire, T6 went all needy on me very early in the morning, bombarding me with several SMSs.
I lost it and snapped at him - it felt damn bloody good.
It was really rather mean of me to vent my simmering frustration on him but seriously, he sure got it coming.
Don’t like it that I have to deal with his never-ending neediness when I am in such desperate need for help too.
I just can’t do it anymore.

Lastly, don’t like it that my stupid, stupid pride prevents me from crying out loud and asking for a helping hand.

19 August 2007 – Déjà vu

2007-08-22T00:39:00.000+08:00

Woody doesn’t seem to know how much upheaval he caused to my mental state of mind, AGAIN.
He seems to have perfected the art of barging into my life whenever I’m having an emotional meltdown.
Like a hurricane, he’ll storm into my life in full force, tearing through my emotional façade - defense walls which I’d painstaking built, scooping up and tossing my scarred emotions round and round.
But before I can react, he’d disappear just as quickly as he came, leaving a hell of destruction and wreckages in his wake.
He did it 2 years ago and he did it just again.

Now that he’s gone, perhaps life will get back to normal?
But has my life ever been normal to begin with?

15 August 2007, dead of the night – Of rejection and realisation (part 3)

2007-08-22T00:35:00.000+08:00

Met Stone & Jade at Wala at night.
I told Stone the whole sordid tale and according to him, the offer I made would have been extremely irresistible to any men.
However having said so, should he be in Woody’s shoes, he would’ve declined too.
Stone felt that Woody’s rejection of my offer was born out of respect for me and our friendship.
In another word, plain old silly chivalrous mentality.

By the way, Stone thought I was damn cool too.
Well, not everyone can carry it off and still appear cool as hell.
I was pretty proud of myself on that account.

I drank quite a fair bit cos I needed to numb my consciousness before I headed home.
A clear-headed me would be extremely shy to see Woody after the morning’s episode.
Stone had a good laugh over this; the mental picture of me being shy and coy was just so salah to him.

The fact that I do behave like a woman sometimes always seem to surprise and amuse him to no end.
He’s a good brother who takes really good care of me… so I’m glad I have him around.

Jade, on the other hand, was trying to intro her male friend to me.
Gosh, the drinking session was turning out to be like some kinda blind date =.=’’’
At one point, I was signaling to Stone with my eyes that we should just get out of there pronto.

15 August 2007, midday – Of rejection and realisation (part 2)

2007-08-22T00:31:00.000+08:00

I was really upset.
Not that I was rejected but I realised something I had stubbornly refused to acknowledge.
I was not as strong as I though I am.
My emotions were and still are fraying and unraveling at an alarming speed.
Woody’s arrival was the catalyst that sped up the process of my self destruction.
I was drinking more than ever and partying harder than ever.

What I asked of Woody was a superficial attempt to seek temporary comfort and to fill my emotional wound.
It would not have lessen the pain, not for long anyway.
No doubt I was fond of him but my request was not fair on him, it was just plain selfishness on my end.

With realisation came disappointment, not at others but at myself.
The strength I built over the years, the walls, the defences… I could not afford to let them fall.
But the truth was, everything was crumbling around me.

15 August 2007, daybreak – Of rejection and realisation (part 1)

2007-08-22T00:29:00.000+08:00

Today I came face-to-face with rejection for the 1st time in my life.
Well, the fact is I did see it coming so hey, no big surprise there.
However rejection is a very foreign concept to me.

As Stone aptly puts it, “what the queen wants, the queen gets”.
Not that I’ve been sitting pretty on a pedestal with everything served to me on a sliver platter, all my life I had to fight tooth and nails to get what I want.
I firmly believe that there is nothing I want that I can’t get, it’s how much I want it that matters.
Typical Aries mentality – the NEVER SAY DIE attitude!
But died terribly I did, blasted into a million pieces, at the break of dawn.

The rejection came about when I made an indecent proposal to Woody.
I must’ve shocked the hell outta him when I woke him up and sprang the indecent proposal on him.
Well, the plan was that whether he accepted or rejected the offer, I would still have the opportunity to scoot out of my house should things get awkward.

Anyway here’s my little speech:
“I’ve always kinda liked you.
Before you leave, I’ll like to sleep with you.
You can choose to accept or decline.
If you do decline, I’ll be most disappointed.
But whatever is the case, we’re both adults so I hope that things will not get awkward between us.”

I is so damn COOL! Well, at least that’s what I thought.

Unfortunately of course, we all knew what happened after that.
The best part… he said he was flattered.
BULLOCKS! He had better well be flattered.
As much of a deplorable lifestyle I lead, I do not and will not go around asking to sleep with any and every men.
I do draw a line at things like that.

July to August 2007 – Festering wounds

2007-08-22T00:27:00.000+08:00

Friends and colleagues were shocked that I ended my relationship of 7 long years.
Well, they didn’t know the full story, do they?
If they did, they wouldn’t lament the loss.

I had plenty of fun after the break-up.
Late night partying, drinking and hanging out with friends.
Making up for lost time, as I happily told everyone.

I was clearly rebelling.
Rebelling against his ideals of how I behave, where I go, what I wear, who I go out with….

I thought I was happy doing this.
Thinking back, the signs were there.
The wounds were festering but I was busy drinking my nights away, oblivious to the extent of my wounds.

20 July 2007 - The end of the affair (part 2)

2007-08-22T00:22:00.000+08:00

Given T6’s character, I half expected him to hate me forever and ever.
Surprisingly he didn’t.
He kept pleading with me but I remained heartless.
It was pretty easy for me, I had after all, 2 years to prepare myself for this.
He eventually gave up seeing that I wasn't going to be moved this time.

He said I was welcome to go back to him anytime.
I wanted to slap him at this point.
How could he offer me such an option when he jolly well knew he could not give me anything in return?
If he claimed to love me so much, did he not realise how much I was suffering?

Selfish, selfish bastard.

He said he needed to heal and he asked me not to closed the doors on him
I agreed to stay as friends and remain in contact with him, hopefully that would do him some good
I must’ve looked so strong compared to him then but was I really?
Was I not pandering to his wimps again?

19 July 2007 - The end of the affair (part 1)

2007-08-22T00:19:00.001+08:00

Things were looking up for T6.
Looked like he would get his lecturing position, the school was really impressed with him.
Being in advertising was never his long term goal.
He didn’t want to live out his life as an adman.
His passion was to teach and groom future marketers and strategists – like he groomed me.

I was going places, building my career that he’d never had the opportunity to build.
I believed he lived vivaciously through me.

I always told him, he should’ve left the agency when headhunters came a-calling with promises of iconic accounts and fat paychecks.
But he believed in loyalty and obligation to the ones who gave him his breaks.
Highly emotional and idealistic, which was rather annoying.

He was adamant to rough it out with the struggling agency to the best of his abilities.
It was a relief when situation at the agency also seemed to be improving in the 2nd half of the year.
It was time to follow up on a promise.
A promise he made to me in 2005.
A promise he never intended to keep.

In April 2005, I made up my mind to leave him.
He begged me for a year to sort out his issues.
I relented, I was weak then…..

A year passed and everything was the same.
Nothing changed, nothing moved.
I contemplated reminding him of his promise but I couldn’t do it.
The agency was in a bad shape.
He was in a bad shape.
I was his only source of strength, the only bright spark in his life, he said
I told myself that he needed me so I stayed on to cheer him on.

Another year went by.
Every time it approached my birthday, I’d be reminded of his promise and that another year had just passed by.
Another year of hope lost.
Another year of youth lost.

Things seemed to be looking up so I had lesser reservation about broaching the topic now.
Even in leaving him, I placed his priorities before mine.
How silly, some would say but I did not regret.
When I give, I give my all.
That was the problem with me, I gave without reservation, without demand for anything in exchange, without complaints…..

The straw finally broke the camel’s back when I fell extremely ill earlier part of this month.
I had high temperature for 3 days running, I thought I was going to die.
As usual, he could not be at my side which was extremely upsetting.
This was when I finally steel my heart.
I was always there for him but he was never there for me.
I could not go on like this.

He didn’t take it well, not that it was unexpected.
But it seemed that he saw it coming.
He knew he’d been avoiding the issue, half hoping that I would get sudden amnesia and forget about it.
Well, for the record, women don’t forget about such things.

Today, I ended my 7-year affair.

January to June 2007 – A good year, or so it seemed

2007-08-22T00:15:00.000+08:00

The year started on a really high note, everything was going so extremely well.
Jan :
- Got a promotion. Increment & bonus were great, heard I got a much better deal than the norm. Somebody, somewhere really liked me.
- Graduated with 2nd upper honors

Feb :
- Asked to join a foreign bank. Again, somebody, somewhere really liked me.
- Sailed through the interview. What can I say, with my personality, it was hard not to like me.

Apr :
- Started my new job and managed to impress my bosses with the 1st 2 weeks I joined.

Jun :
- Got the portfolio I’ve always wanted – Branding!

With so much highs in 1st half of the year, I was pretty ill-prepared for what was to come next.

It ain't no theme park ride

2007-08-19T21:42:00.000+08:00

It has been quite an ‘exciting’ time in my life, these last few months.
Rather too much excitement in fact, for my frail heart to take.
Felt like I’d been on an extremely long roller coaster ride; full of extreme ups and downs, with sharp turns and cornering that come without warning, plus some somersault loops thrown in for good measure; it was fun in the beginning until motion sickness starts to kick in, leaving me feeling sick to the pits and green in the face, and wondering just when this ride would come to an end.

Musing : Of earth, air, fire and water

2007-05-24T01:07:00.000+08:00

If a person can be liken to an element, what element would you be?

Woody reminds me of earth.
So earthy, dark, warm and strangely comforting.

T6 reminds me of water, or more specifically the ocean.
Deep and full of wonders within.
Calm and gentle when at it’s best.
But in stormy days, expect pouring rain and raging waves.

As for me, I’m like fire.
A roaring blaze at times.
Or at times a smothering coal with a whimper of a spark within.
Or perhaps even an all consuming flame with an insatiable appetite burning up everything within sight.

What's that feeling?

2006-12-07T13:09:00.000+08:00

I felt really depressed today.
Where hence this feeling come?
Could it be the rain that doesn't seem to stop?
Or the cold that brings a chill to the deepest corner of my heart?

I think maybe I know why.
Maybe I missed Woody.
Maybe that's all, maybe not.
Or maybe, just maybe I'm being a little silly, or not.

Paws' Word of the Day

2006-10-11T22:02:00.000+08:00

ORCHIDECTOMY

Also referred to as Gelding, Neutering, Castration and Orchiectomy, in which a biological male loses the use of the testicles.

It should not be confused with Penectomy which refers to the whole or partial removal of the penis.

-------------------------------------------------------

The use of the term "orchid" in the word is a perfect metaphor for the the condition it refers to. I mean, just imagine how an orchid looks like.... interesting, isn't it?

Let's just say it's a word I'll remember for long, long time. Unfortunately, situations to demonstrate the use of my newly learnt word is unfortunately few and far in between.

Palm-ed at Fullerton

2006-09-28T15:52:00.000+08:00

Guess what? I learnt a new word today! It's PROSUMER - professional consumer. Cool...

This is Paws, reporting live from Palm's launch event at Fullerton Hotel.

- This blog was updated through my M1 mobile phone.

Getting bombed!

2006-09-27T21:23:00.000+08:00

It happened yesterday.
Somehow I knew something was going to happen; it was going to be a bad day.
The signs were all there when I woke up with puffy eyes and bad hair.

Well, to be exact, it's not that kind of bad as in:
- I get run over by a car (It's highly possible if you've seen how I cross the road. Next I'm going to write to the Olympics committee to include the '10m dash during peak hours' as part of the next Olympics games...),

- I lost my job (cos I exceeded my budget to the tune of 10x my annual salary... 1 zero, 2 zeros, 3 zeros, 4 zeros... so many zeros... arughhhh!),

- My house burned down (with all the books I have spilling from every corner of the house, that place is a potential fire hazard I tell you)

- I become a lesbian (hmm... is that really that bad??)

Well, you get the picture.
Er, you did right?
Right.

Okay, back to the bad day.
As usual, I was minding my own business and trying hard to concentrate on completing my monthly report while staring very hard at the computer screen, willing it to do my job for me.
It usually do not work very well cos I know mind control was never my forte.
Nor was doing reports.

I am a strong believer that Marcom/Marketing people should never be exposed to anything remotely financially related. Mixing of the 2 will cause spontaneous combustion of the brain which eventually led to the death of millions of brain cells. What you end up with in the end is a half-wit who can't count for nuts and probably colour-blind. So CAUTIONS to all Marcom/Marketing folks - handle financial matters at your own risk.
Terms & conditions apply.

Okay, I digress.
Back to my bad day yesterday.
I was staring so hard at the computer screen, my eyelids started to feel real heavy.
That was when it came.
My N80 gave a loud beeped and I was shocked out of my half-stoned state.
Yes, I still rely on the old fashion beep for SMS.
I can't, for my dear life, understand why anyone use an entire song as their SMS tone.
I mean, it just goes on and on and on... for 1 lousy SMS!
Bloody irritating, isn't it?

I digress again. Sorry about that.
So, I got an SMS and it was from Kat, my Sec School days gal friend.
I could still remember the good old days we spend cutting classes but that is another story for another day.

I was totally unprepared for what came next.
She asked me if I was free this Sat.
I replied yes.
Then she replied, "Oh great! Come on over to my ROM ceremony at Amara."
And that was the story of how I got a bloody red bomb thrown in my face.

It's not fair, she was playing dirty.
I should get fair warning for things like this.

Well, if you are thinking "erm... so what's so bad about that", think again!
It's a bloody reminder that I'm getting older and still not anywhere near walking down that petal strewed aisle.

The truth is I'm so absolutely not ready, at least not for the next couple of years.
But peer pressure is such a bitch, isn't it?

Testing testing 123

2006-09-21T12:57:00.000+08:00

here's my 3rd attempt with mobile blogging. If it still can't work... urghhh...

- This blog was updated through my M1 mobile phone.

Missing.....

2006-09-21T12:24:00.000+08:00

MediaCorp should produce a new drama series and name it MISSING.

Synopsis :
Local blogger getting lost in the concrete jungle of Shenton Way for 2 solid months while struggling to stay alive by deflecting backstabbing daggers from treacherous PMEBs.

I dare say the viewership figures will rival LOST hands down.

Disclaimer :
The storyline is purely a work of fiction. It is definately not based on the life of the writer of the blog entry you are currently reading.

Trademark property of BlackMagicPaws Inc.

The world according to ME - Part 2

2006-07-06T01:19:00.000+08:00

Took this when I was at Lao Pa Sat a couple of weeks back. Really love to take pictures of buildings.
Love the the strong linear lines of the building facades.
Love the multi-layered texture of the densely populated urban landscape.

I was lost & sick in Wonderland

2006-07-06T00:36:00.000+08:00

I accidently tripped and fell into the stupid rabbit hole.
The one that led to a mad place, also fondly known as Wonderland.
So how 'wonderful' was this Wonderland?
I really don't know.
I got lost for a while, fell sick and now I'm back.
But am I really back?
Is this world real?
Or is tis just a figment of my imagination too?

Waiting

2006-05-31T00:50:00.000+08:00

Keeping quiet.
Letting go.
Playing a game.
A game of waiting with no end.

Being good.
Playing by the rules.
Being stupid?
Or simply a fool.

Feelings of regrets.
Are there?
Both yes and no.

Move on.
Look forward.
Don't look back with sadness.

Life giveth.
Life takes.
Life should be without regrets.

For now.
Let's just wait.

Oh, lame saint!

2006-05-21T16:12:00.000+08:00

It's here, it's finally here!
I've been like waiting for the screening of "The Da Vinci Code" since last year!!!
And whadaya know?
Someone actually offered me a pair of gala premiere tickets to the show.

Me should be seriously happy right?

NO!!!!!!!

Me can't make it.
Me got stupid ad to clear.
Me gotta politely decline the kind offer.
Me missed the chance to be 'one of the first in Singapore' to catch the show.
Me didn't get my hands on collectible goodie pack usually given at premieres.
Me dammit pissed as hell.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me got another gala premiere to attend tomorrow.
Me not X-tremely X-cited cos it's work.
My company is sponsoring the X-Men: The Last Stand and I'm part of the team putting the gala premiere together.
We'll be taking up all the halls at Cineleisure on level 4, 6 & 9.
It'll be massive logistical nightmare I assure you.
Let's just hope I get time off to breath and catch the movie in peace.

Hooked on 'Devil'

2006-05-21T15:55:00.000+08:00

I have a confession to make.
I'm officially hooked!
For the past 2 Sundays, I find myself eagerly looking forward to the new Taiwanese romantic drama showing on channel 56, "Devil beside you".

Bloody hell....
This is so terribly UNGLAM!

I mean, it's a stupid teenage idol drama series that scores high on pretty faces, and low on a proper storyline!
Not to mention, it's soooo.... "Meteor-garden" =.=

Shhh.... dun let it out ok.
I'm bloody embarrassed as it is already.

The show's starting a 7pm....
Me gonna run out to get some potatoe chips now...
tata....

Break the Floor

2006-05-02T04:11:00.000+08:00

One of the perks of my job is the constant supply of free tix to really cool events & movie screenings.
Alas, on the negative side, the nature of my job is such that I can hardly find the time to attend these events/movies.

Just early this month, I missed out on the movie screenings of 'V for Vendetta' & 'Sentinel'.
It was such a waste and I really, really, really wanted to watch 'V for Vendetta'.
:( me highly irritated.

Me rationalised that if one does not get such treats in the first place, one will not lament the loss of such opportunities.
So Zen huh? Hahaha
But it’s quite true what.

Anyway, I finally managed to attend one of the more interesting events recently.
It’s the ‘Burn the Floor’ musical.

Cannot let the tix go to waste cos it cost like $88 per tix leh.

Initially I didn’t wanna go.
Why?
Erm… workaholic me tried to convinced myself to finish up my work in the office. Then the I-haven’t-had-a-proper-holiday-in-years me went on a it’s-Friday-night-for-crying-out-loud protest.
No prize for guessing who won.

I actually got to Suntec City (the musical was held at the level 6 convention hall) right on time but stupid MediaCorp made me miss the opening sequence.
The artiste management people actually called me up at 8pm of Friday to tell me that they cannot approve an ad that was supposed to run on Saturday!
Bloody hell!!!!

I had to spend a good 15min standing just inside the entrance walkway trying to give instructions to the advertising agency over the loud blare of the music.
As if this was not enough, those people kept changing their mind on what amendments they wanted for the ad!
Hello…. It’s like 8-fucking-pm on the eve of the ad date.
Pull your acts together, can ya?
Sheeze……..

As I was desperately trying to salvage my ad, a bunch of dancers made their way to the area I was hiding in to have my phone conversations, waiting for their cue to enter the performance area.
My, oh my, weren’t they a sight for sore eyes!
The male dancers were absolutely yammylicious!
Look at the 6-packs, the tight sexy butts in skin-tight pants….
Gosh! I could go on forever….

If I wasn’t in such a foul mood at that time, I would’ve ask them to take a photo with me :p
Me very the thick skin one.

Finally I managed to get to my seat and settled down to concentrate on the performance.
Cateybaby told me I missed the best part (opening sequence) – really hot topless male dancers in leather pants shaking their bon bon on stage.
Me at this point wanted to rush down to MediaCorp and set fire to their office!
Arughhhh!!!! @$#%@$^%

The performance was really solid man.
Salsa, flamenco, tango, waltz, fox trot, Lindy hop….
They managed to gel all the very diverse dancing style into the act and it was great!

At some point, the floor started trembling.
I thought it was the music.
You know how heavy bass can make the wall or floor vibrates right?
It felt something that.
But then I realized it was from all the intensity of the dancing on stage.
The house was ROCKING man!
Cateybaby remarked that they should rename the musical ‘Break the floor’ instead of ‘Burn the floor’.

I was so inspired that I had the urge to take up salsa dancing again
(me missed the March intake cos the class was full by the time me went to apply).
Now got a kaki somemore; Stone said he wanna take up beginner salsa too.
Me think he’s more interested at the prospect of meeting & getting close to girls (literally close) in the class.
Ok, come end of the year, me gonna be a damn solid salsa dancer too.
And ya, did I tell you that salsa dancers have really tight butts?
Wah…..

Missing out on election fun

2006-05-02T02:42:00.000+08:00

I don't get to vote AGAIN!
Me been really looking forward to some election action in Jurong.
But nooooo..... I have to be contented with a freaking PAP WALKOVER while the oppositions walk over to contest in other parts of our little red dot.
Dammit! By the time I get to see what the inside of a voting booth looks like, I'll probably be an old woman already.

Project time!

2006-04-28T00:40:00.000+08:00

Now that my school term is finally over... phew...
I'm in a better mood to work on my much neglected blog.

To be frank, I was never a regular blogger anyway.
I've been telling myself that I really ought to update my entries every other day but as usual, my evil sub-conscious always pops up uninvited and sweet-talks me otherwise.

Today is one of the rare days that I'm spending so much time on my new and very under-utilised laptop.
I've already done 3 entries so 1 more wouldn't hurt.
Beauty sleep and work can wait.
Yes, I brought work home today and obviously I will not work on it at all.
I know I'll regret it tomorrow.

Anyway I digress.
This entry is supposed to be about how I survive my school project.
Focus Paws, focus.

Working on this term's project was like going through survivor camp - white collar style - in the caffeine-packed wilderness of TCC!
(For the uninitiated, TCC stands for The Coffee Connoisseur. Love the iced mocha with ice-cream. Yummy!)

We practically camped it out at TCC. From day to night!
Here're the evidence :

I really like the place.
We went to the branch along Beach Road which was less crowded.
It beats going to fastfood outlets for project meetings anytime.
And the furniture are really cute.
The chairs look like they are grinning!

After a few too many iced mocha, I decided tea will do me more good.
The lemon ginger tea was a real perk-me-up.
At least over here, I get served proper tea leaves in tea press for $5.
I absolutely loathes paying $5 for a lousy tea bag at stupid hotel lounges.

Ok, I digress again.

Surviving project work requires more than just good coffee, nice tea, cosy environment and great food.
I will like to dedicate this entry to the one thing that made surviving this ordeal possible.
Without you, everything woud be lost.
Let us all give a big hand to ......

The Multi-Plug. Without which all out laptops (at our peak, we had 4 laptops operating at the same time. kinda ridiculous when I think back about it.) would have died-ed.

The world according to ME - Part 1

2006-04-27T23:15:00.000+08:00

I like to take photos of interesting things I see.
Sometimes I fancy myself carving a successful career as a photographer.

Ok I admit. I'm a closet photographer, pop star, actress, writer....
Whatever....

Anyway, enough of my crap.
Here're some "award-winning" photo I've taken.

This is my office building taken at 10pm.
I like to torture myself by working really late into the night.
Sometimes I think I'm also a closet vampire; I only leave the building when night falls.

I attended the opening of Cathey Picture House a little while back.
The whole building was still under renovation and clearly not ready to be 'open'.
It was rather weird as I was expecting a fully functional shopping centre, or at least half-functional. Appearantly only the cinema was all done up.

But I have to say the event totally wow me.
What was really interesting was that the event was built around the 'unfinished-ness' of the place.

The structure in the photo was actually set up in the middle of the water fountain at the basement.
The poles were put together to resemble construction scaffolding poles reaching 3 storey high (or maybe they really were actual construction poles).
TV screens were mounted on all sides in a hapharzard style.
The end result looked really cool.

Too bad I didn't have my camera with me to take a better photo.
My Sony Ericsson phone's camera kinda sucks...

I took this yesterday at my advertising agency.
I've never really noticed now pretty the hanging lamps look.
In fact, I don't think I've noticed them at all.
Silly oblivious me.

Miki - my little mixed pooch

2006-04-27T22:39:00.000+08:00

This is Miki at 1.5 month old when we just got her.
She's a Tibetian Spaniel/ Jack Russel mix. Weird mix, I know.
But who would've thought she'll turn out so cute.

Miki is Santa's little helper!
This was taken at Miki's 1st X'mas in 2005.
She was not very happy being made to wear a X'mas hat and posing for the camera.
Grumpy little girl. Tsk Tsk.

Here's a happier Miki at the Animal Farm.
Look at her wide toothy grin.

Let's spice things up a bit

2006-04-27T22:09:00.000+08:00

Something is missing. My blog is too empty.
Looks kinda boring really....

It's time I should starting adding more colour to this blog.
Unfortunately, I'm the most hopeless I.T. idiot I know so adding fancy stuffs to the blog is quite beyond me.
I don't know how and I can't be bothered to learn.
Full stop.

Imagine my excitement when I discovered that there is a short cut key for adding images to the blog.
I mean, you can do that without fiddling with the HTML stuff??!!
That stuff drove me mad when I tried to put up links of my favourite blogs.

Wow..... Funny how I didn't notice that short cut key in the past...
I think my brain's natural selective filtering function kicks in whenever I see anything remotely I.T. related.
It creates blindspots and filters out 'unnecessary' information present in my environment.
(Got this bit from my consumer behaviour class. Great stuff for making up excuses when I'm caught not listening in meetings. "I can't hear what you're saying cos you are not authorised for access through my filters.")

Yipee! Now I can add photos!
Many, many photos!
So happy :D

Next, I'll just need to find out what exactly is the 'Backquote" thingy....
hmm.....

a year

2006-04-02T01:38:00.000+08:00

It's been a year, so what should you do?
And what should I do?

Tell me.
Tell me what I ought to do.

Do the right thing?
It is really so clear-cut?
So what is right and what is wrong?

It's really simple.
This answer.

But humans, being humans, just like to complicate matters.
Building delusion, dreams, fantasies to make their world better.
So what if it's an illusion.
Having illusions are better than having nothing at all, no matter now unreal they may be.

Jot it down

2006-03-22T02:24:00.000+08:00

It's really irritating.... Almost every other days, I'll think of something interesting that I want to put down in my blog. But when I get down to write (usually in the evening) , the wonderful ideas flutter away.

So I thought, why not write it down?
That sounds like a swell idea.
Whenever I think of anything, just jot it down.
It's so simple, right?

Wrong.

Firstly, fashion and practicality exist in 2 separate universes.
There is simply no way an A5 notebook can ever fit in my petite sling handbag.

Secondly, I can't start scribbling in the middle of the shower.
And the shower is THE place where I experienced my most active brainwave surges.
In case you are wondering, it has nothing to do with me being naked… or otherwise.

Thirdly, I AM LAZY!
Full stop.

So there.
Goodbye wonderful thoughts.
You’re just not meant to be seen.

Funny Columns and Naked Butt

2006-02-13T19:18:00.000+08:00

I’m a faithful follower of humour columns and one of my favourite is Neil Humphreys‘ weekly column in Today. His accounts of madcap characters running around Toa Payoh always crack me up. I mean, do people like that really exist in Singapore? According to Neil, apparently so.

At one point, I was seriously entertaining the thought of moving to the colourful little town of Toa Payoh where the fun & madness never stop. It helps that my other favourite humour column writer, Jason Hahn, lives there too (I have a highly reliable source on this. He told me himself in his book ‘Asking for Trouble - Tales of Saffy & Amanda)!

Then again, if I do move there, you’ll probably find me sitting in the Toa Payoh Police Centre being interrogated for stalking a newspaper and/or magazine columnist and their housemates.

To my delight, I’ve recently discovered a new species of Homo Sepian in Jurong and I’m quite sure he falls in the mad category. Better yet, he’s actually staying in my block! A real life mad specimen here in Jurong! Isn’t that so neat? For simplicity sake, let us call this creature The Butt-man.

Initially I just thought The Butt-man has weird fashion sense. Eventually after 2 short and unforgettable encounters, I concluded he’s just plain mad.

The first time I saw him was about a month ago on my way home at night. As I was reaching the lift lobby, I saw The Butt-man bending down to open his letterbox. And out sprung Mr Happy Bright Green Thongs as The Butt-man’s jeans slipped to the middle of his happy shiny butt.

For a moment I thought I went blind.

The lift door opened and I quickly shuffled in without waiting for him. Ya, I know. That’s so un- neighbourly. But hey, I didn’t know he was a precious new species at that time. I really thought he was just a gay ‘sister’ with a hopeless fashion fau paux.

The next time I saw The Butt-man, he actually went commando! No Mr Happy Bright Green Thongs there, no sir.

We were in the same lift, he turned his back towards me and *GASP!*, there were Mr Springy Butt Cheek & his twin brother popping out at me. Have you seen Kung Fu Hustle? Remember the guy who always get knocked in the head with a slippers by the landlady? I think they might be long lost brothers.

I didn’t know how to respond. Should I laugh? Should I politely inform The Butt-man ‘Ahem, your buddies are getting cold’? Should I knock him in the head with my slippers; he's obviously begging for it? I couldn’t decide!

Then the lift door opened and he walked out. Dammit!

I’m determined to take a photo of The Butt-man and his cheeky friends if I ever do bump into him next time. I may even ask for his autograph. That'll be so swell!

The thing about men

2006-01-26T10:24:00.000+08:00

Men are like wine; they get better as they mature.

2-year plan

2006-01-26T10:19:00.000+08:00

My mind is set.
My plan is in motion.

I will not change my mind.
Not for anyone, no matter how important they are to my life.

I have done my part for the people I love.
Now is the time to start loving myself and living my life for me.

Do not look back.
Do not regret.

You’re caught on OBLIVIOUS!

2006-01-24T19:40:00.000+08:00

I can’t believe how some people can be so extremely oblivious to what goes on around them.

How does anyone go through life without opening their eyes to see things as they really are and hear the things that others say without selective filtering?

I doubt these people can even see their own hands stretch out in front of them, should their hands not adhere to their idea of ‘normal’.

To these people I'll say, "Open your mind, there are more worlds than this."

No Balls!

2006-01-04T11:51:00.000+08:00

Oh man! It happened again!

An Indian guy just tried to chat me up when I was on my way to work.
Ok, it’s not exactly a crisis situation to most people.
But for me, the situation is getting a bit tricky cos I get picked up by guys from other races all the time, but not a bloody single time by Chinese guys!

First & foremost, I am not a racist.
I do find some of the Indian & Ang Mo chaps who chatted me up pretty cute.
I even had a Jamaican followed me from one end of Jurong to the other.

However, I would very much prefer to date my own race.
Maybe I’m being traditional about it but hey, it’s a personal preference.
But they don’t have the guts to come up and say hi!
I just don’t understand WHY?
Do I bare my fangs every time someone approaches?
I don’t think so.

And these are the very same people who go on online forums and bitch about Singaporean girls not sparing them a second look!
WTF!

If you have so much time to spare bitching online about the sorry state of the Singapore female population, why don’t you go out there and show them what you’ve got?
Don’t tuck your balls inside your sorry arse and whine whenever you see an attractive and confident woman walk by.

My male friends think I intimidate the hell out of the Chinese male population in Singapore. HA! If they are such wimps, I’ll do better without them!

Schoolgirl Infatuation

2005-12-30T14:00:00.000+08:00

I’m still recovering from swooning fits over my biz law lecturer.
For a few short days, I was reduced to the likes of a giggling schoolgirl, perpetually batting my eyelashes at him whenever he looked in my direction.

For the record, he’s not cute in the conventional sense.
He has charisma and he knows it, that bugger.
But I’m really not into people who are cuter than me.
It’s an ego thing. Don’t try to understand, it probably will not make sense anyway.

I actually made it a point to ditch my work and rush to lecturers early.
People who know me will probably be shocked; I’m quite well known to be a die-hard workaholic and I’m inflicted with a peculiar aversion-to-going-home-on-the-dot-after-work syndrome.

I’m terribly tempted to fail my exams so that I can attend his lectures again next term.
It’s quite a crazy notion and so absolutely silly… or so I thought.
When I relate my bizarre little plan to my colleagues during lunch, I found myself in the yet another weird conversation.

Paws : I have a major crush on my biz law lecturer… sigh…. Yesterday was the end of the lecturer and we invited him for supper. Guess what? He brought his wife along!!!

P : Erm… Well you should’ve told him it’s a private supper for 2

J : hahaha

QiQi : =.= darn, wasted!

QiQi : hmm… *hatching a plot* maybe I can try failing my exams and attend the lectures again next term!

P : Hey, I did that before! I used to have a really cute biz law lecturer back in uni days and I failed his papers just to get remedial classes with him. He was so happy I aced my final paper and kept telling me as long as I’ve put in efforts, I can do it. I can’t bring myself to tell him the real reasons on why I failed.

kekeke....
Things that women do....
hmmm.... perhaps I should date a lawyer next...